!~Anime Fantasy~!
Feb 21, 2004 7.49 p.m
A nice saturday morning, i have to wake up so early!!! Can't these people just let me sleep!? Sadly, they just wouldn't. So i set off to school feeling so tired before i even get to run the mass run. -_-|| When the mass run started, i didn't even bothered to run. I just walked along with my friends. I'm far too sleepy to run. hehehe~ after the mass run, i went to the field to cheer on for my friends. Somehow just by looking at them, i became very alert. I have no idea why. I supported 4e4 most definitely! For 4e5, I only supported those friends that i know. If i didn't remember wrongly, the first person who ran in e4 was hong siong *i'm not sure if i've spelled correctly*. I cheered for him of course. As more and more people went to run, i cheered for almost everyone including those i don't even know! hahaha~ i must have gone mad! Anyway, after that hwee leng ran too! When she came back, I ran with her to support her. After running with her, i saw vanessa *chan* coming back too. So i ran with her too. After running with her, I went back to the group to cheer the others on. *The group meant hui zhen, min hui, siok hoon, maureen and shu yuan.* We continued our crazy acts until when we saw sock peng running out. Wow! That was extreme craziness! hahaha~ when she came back, min hui, vanessa *wee* and i ran with her cheering her on! Well... she managed to make it. Then shu yuan and i were waiting for chuan hui's turn to run. When it was her turn, the 2 of us cheered for her like crazy! Chuan hui got so pai seh *embarrased* then she was like "shh..."! hahaha~ so funny when she said that. Her expressions is so cute! When she came back, shu yuan cheered on for her while i ran with her. I could see that chuan hui was so exhausted but i told her don't give up! Then she said "bu ke yi le... wo hen lei!" *Sorry to those who doesn't understand chinese. But anyway, it means she cannot take it anymore and she's very tired.* But I told her not to give up! It was just a few more distance away. Then as we went on, vanessa *chan* and sock peng joined in. Finally, chuan hui made it! Then followed by yu-cheng, my god-brother. He was the last person. So when he came back, the whole of 4e4 ran with him. It was so fun! Then when i got home, i went to eat lunch with my cousins as Marilyn was leaving for perth to continue her studies. I couldn't go as i don't think my mom would allow. *sobsob* I'm gonna miss her! Heard from my brother that she would be back 1 year or more then come back. Then i realised i have 3 missed calls. 2 were from my mom and another was from chuan hui. Then chuan hui told me that she saw my friend and him at west mall. So she asked me where i was. I told her i was eating lunch. So she thought what a pity. I could have seen him. So i was like "forget it. I don't think he wants to see me anyway." So after that, i sms my friend whether he want to meet me for the last time. After 1 hour later, he replied. He told me he couldn't as he just got back from work and he's going out later. I got quite angry as he was obviously lying to me! So i replied him "don't bluff la... if you don't want to come out and meet me, then you can just tell me. I saw you with him at west mall.". After that, he didn't reply. Just then, i'm thinking if he was lying to me the whole time whenever i asked him out. I really don't know. All i'm asking for is to be his friend but it seems like it's more than impossible. I've really got no idea why he's treating me like that. Haiz... i've got to go... I'm meeting my friends at the basketball court.

Feb 20, 2004 8.15 p.m
Today, i felt dizzy again! Oh gosh~ it's getting worse. It's getting more and more frequent. I felt dizzy yesterday too. Yesterday, my brother was acting very strange and he was smoking more than he used to smoke. Something must be terribly wrong! Last night, he talked to my mom quietly and seriously and he didn't even allow me to come out of my room in order not to let me listen to their conversation. It scares me cause this meant big trouble!! The last time we had this was the time we almost went bankrupt and my mom almost going to jail. I didn't think much. I didn't want to worry unduly. I even saw him on msn last night! *The "him" is the guy i like* But i didn't want to talk to him for fear that i might be disturbing him and besides, i don't think he even wants to talk to me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him anyway... i didn't want to tell him about this yet because it wasn't confirm and i might worry him if he's concern about me as a friend. This morning before i went to school, my mom broke a very, very bad news to me. That was my brother lost money in playing shares and we had to sell off our house to pay off our debts. If we don't, she would have to go to jail! And this time was serious! I was in a shocked! I couldn't believe what i was hearing. I thought after the last time, everything was alright! I controlled myself from crying. I tried to get out of the house as soon as possible. Out of the house, I kept on thinking "how can this happened?! Isn't everything alright?! What's going on?!". All of a sudden, i've seemed to lose myself. All i wanted to do was to skip school and run to a place and cry or kill myself or something! I just wasn't in the mood to go to school. But i forced myself to go. My friends talked to me, but i wasn't in the mood so i kind of showed them my attitude. Well... it went off quite smoothly for poa lessons until when mdm quek mentioned about bad debts and all that. Immediately, my thoughts came back. I was agitated. Tears filled my eyes blurring my vision. I tried controlling it and i succeeded. Then i went for my chinese lesson. It went off smoothly. I didn't think about this at all. All i thought of was my chinese spelling. I've got full marks!! Yay!! I've got a muffin for getting full marks. Yummy~ the muffin was tasty! =9 hehehe... i didn't really eat during recess as I wanted to save money. After recess, we lined up outside the classroom to wait for my english teacher. I was leaning on the side of the door then shawn, my classmate acted as though he slammed the door. He wanted to tease me. I wasn't in the mood to joke around and i was emotionally unstable at that time so i flared up! I don't know if he was shocked but i don't think so. I think he felt quite fun cause he thought i was just fed up. I couldn't endure anymore so i started to cry. The guys were really shocked, especially shawn! They really didn't expect me to cry. After that, ms. gopal came. As usual, I sat at ronald's place and vise visa. Then, ms. gopal told the 2 of us that that will be our permanent seat! The moment i hear this, all i could think of was "i don't want!!!". She wanted us to change our seats immediately, so we took our stuff and changed our seating positions. After english lesson, min hui shouted out to me and told me that she didn't want me to change seats and asked me to change back. As much as i wanted to but there was something going on outside. Ms. gopal was talking to my form teacher, mrs. choo! When my teacher entered, she said "so these are your seating positions, right?!". I almost fainted! Mrs. choo is the form teacher and not ms. gopal! So why should ms. gopal decide on the seating position!? She can't just change anyone's seating position permanently! Only mrs. choo can do that! As the lesson went on, min hui and i just kept looking at each other at times. The two of us just gave that kind of disappointment look. We don't want to change my place for crying out loud! Of all people, why me!? Then today, we got back our second test on locus. I've got the same marks as the previous locus test. I didn't get the top but at least i've won jonathan! hehehe... *bleah* >p Sorry jonathan... you have to do better to beat me! Kanbate ne! He lose to me by one mark. When he knew that he lose to me by one mark, you should look at his expression! It was so funny! He looked like one flaming pig!!! hahaha~ After maths lesson, I stayed for chinese remedial. Then min hui told me that we didn't have to run for the road relay as our class didn't have enough guys to run so we just had to run for the mass run. Yay!! That was the best news i've heard today! During the chinese remedial, we had a little quiz. I had 134 upon 180. -_-|| Well... at least that was better than failing. After the remedial, i wanted to go home badly for the first time. Not because i was tired, but i just don't know... perhaps missing home. When i was walking along the corridor, i felt it was such a long corridor and it lasted so long. At the same time, i thought to myself "how long can i walk this corridor? Will i still be able to walk through this corridor again?". You might think that i've gone crazy and maybe i really have but for the first time, i looked carefully at the corridor and remember it for as long as i can remember. When i've reached the doorstep, i even looked at the surroundings and i've started to appreciate this building that i've stayed for around 10 years. Then i've realised how important this place meant to me. When i've entered the house, i don't feel that this house was creepy anymore. Instead, i felt it's warmth. It felt like home. I was actually wishing that i can just stay in the house and time could just stop forever! *i must have gone bonkers!* I memerise every little thing that was in the house. So that, when it's gone *preparing myself for the worse* it will always be part of my memory. So right now, i won't say goodbye to the house yet! I will treasure it as long as i can be here. I've got to go! I need to have a good night sleep after so many days of hard work and i have to get ready for tomorrow's mass run! Sweet dreams! ^-^

Feb 18, 2004 9.26 p.m
Today, there's a F&N test... then it was super easy! well.. that's because my teacher told us what the questions were. hehe.. *bleah* >P then i have poa retest tomorrow. haiz... sick of poa!! i hate poa!! my poa teacher, mdm quek *quek quek... s'cuse me! a duck's coming this way!!* told me that if i don't hand in my poa homework, she would give me another big fat 0 for the test!! she gave a big fat 0 for the previous test already!!! she's so sickening!! hehehe... he came online today!! I saw him on msn! i wanted to talk to him but i hesitated because i was afraid that he might find me irritating and annoying. So i decided not to talk to him. But as time goes on, i kept on opening the msn window and checking if he was still online. Then i couldn't stand it anymore so i just took the first step by clicking on his msn nickname. When i started typing "hi", my heart was pounding and i was wondering to myself, "would he reply me? would he even talk to me? or would he just go offline and continue to ignore me?". But before i could stop myself, i've already pressed enter. Surprisingly, he replied! I was so happy that i could just jump out of my seat and start dancing! I was so thrilled and excited!! so i started the conversation and trying not to appear that i'm very excited. So i said happy belated valentine's day just like how i told those friends of mine whom i didn't wish them happy valentine's day. So it was quite normal. Then just like any other of my friends, he asked me if i had a good time. So i told him it was ok.. i didn't tell him about the cheering competition. So i asked him if he had a good time as well. It seems that *well.. it's not it seems that... he DID ask her out!!* he asked her out and they had a great time. *if you're wondering who's the she, it's the girl that he likes!* Of course, i wasn't feeling very good inside but weird enough, i was happy for him. I was glad that he asked her out. I mean i definitely didn't feel good cause i didn't spend my valentine's day with him.. i mean who would anyway?! At least when he asked her out and they had a great time, it shows that they were moving on very quickly. Their progress was good as well. I was definitely happy for him. At least, one of my wish has come true. That was even if i can't be with him, I hope that he could be with the girl he likes. It looks like it was coming true soon. I wish them all the best! I like him but i know i don't have a chance. I never do. I only hope that i can be with him as a friend whom he can talk to whenever he's down or something. That's all i wish for. I think that's the best i can do for him. There's nothing i can do to help him with the girl he likes. I know her but she doesn't know me. Besides, we haven't seen each other before! Anyway, i asked him out on my birthday and at the same time, hoping he could come. I didn't dare to ask for much. I even suggested asking the girl he likes coming along too. My intention was giving him another chance to ask the girl out again so that they could have better progress. He wasn't sure if he could go cause my birthday is still a month away and who knows if that person is free? I don't have any confirmed answers yet.. but quite a number seems to be a negative answer. Forget it! I could just save a few bucks and maybe use it to buy something else for myself. After asking him, i just stopped talking to him before he starts finding me such a nuisance. Then Chuan hui came online and i immediately went to chat with her. I got so excited!! I seem to have gone crazy or just come out from the mental hospital. I was like "Chuan Hui!! he come online leh!!!". Hehehe~ well.. that's just so me! =p But chuan hui didn't know who i was talking about. After that, i told her then she knew who i was talking about. As soon as she knew it, he went offline. Haiz... it's like once in a blue moon then i get to see him, even on the internet! I think i better go do my homework before i can't finish it and then my form teacher is going to go berserk again, behaving like a mad dog!! =X


Feb 17, 2004 8.42 p.m
There's nothing much today.. i'e just got back from tuition and still in my p.e attire. I went to tuition straight after p.e *for your info, my p.e lesson is after school hours. Hmm... I've got back my chinese paper. Guess what?! I've... failed! -_-|| This is just lame~ I've failed by 2 marks.. haiz... and i'm so angry!! not only that, the corrections i did for my chinese spelling test.. she did not collect them!!! damn it!! I've stayed up and do my corrections for nothing! I've could have spent my time doing my F&N coursework which I have to save it in my diskette and save it for tomorrow's lesson for F&N. I don't think i'll have time doing my corrections for my F&N test. I have to copy the entire test paper 3 times!! As for today's p.e, we ran 2.4 km. Alas! I was selected by mr. chan to run in this Saturday's road relay!! AH!!! i don't want!!! I HATE running and worse of all, i can't run that fast!! i've always failed my 2.4 km run. Of all people, he HAVE to choose me! sicko!! I think Chuan Hui, Shu Yuan and i have seem to be drift apart. I mean nowadays i've been hanging out with corrine and sock peng. Hardly with chuan hui and shu yuan anymore. I think i better spend more time with them before i stopped talking to them!! shawn, my classmate so irritating!! he keeps taking my glasses and playing with them and he keeps knocking my head!!! sooner or later, i'm going to become stupid. today, ms. gopal tells ronald that she wants to change my sitting position with his sitting position PERMANENTLY *Again, i emphasize the word permanently!!* At first, the both of us thought it was only for english lessons. But it seems that that's not case. She wants to change both of our seating positions for every lesson!! I don't want!! I want to sit at my current seat!! Haiz.. i'll just have to see how it goes! everything is definitely not going my way. I told my tuition teacher, mr. ang that i've top my class in the first locus test since he asked me about it. Guess what!? his reaction was almost the same as the pig! "wah!! yi jing *he never pronounce my name correctly* what did you do or eat ah?! or you cheat one? how come you always get top in class one?! are you sure you're really that good!?" OMG! please~ i'm his student for crying out loud!! he should believe me!! why would i even want to lie about this kind of thing? haiz... I think i've better go do my coursework before I get scolding from my teacher tomorrow morning!

Feb 16, 2004 8.27 p.m
So sorry guys!! Haven't been updating my webby and my blog cause i've been so damn busy lately!!! and i really mean busy!!! super busy!! i've always ended my school up till 7+!! can you imagine how tired i am after such a long and tiring day?! and i still have to finish my homework!! gosh~ i really need a break!! i've been busy with my cheer practices and finally, the day to the cheering competition arrived!! it was the best cheering competition i've ever attended!! woo hoo~ 4e4 rocks!! they have the best cheer ever! although my class didn't win *it's ok anyway.. i didn't expect my class to win anyway =X* but i was so happy that 4e4 won! i felt as though it was my own class won~ me abit siao one.. -_-|| *yawnzZzZz* i'm so tired!! can't be helped.. after so many days of practices, i didn't really sleep much! today i've got back my phys test paper.. and i was so worried that i would fail!!! but phew~ i passed!! woo hoo~ i passed by 1/2 mark.. -_-|| hehehe... well.. at least i've passed, right?! that's better than nothing! i've always failed my phys paper.. i hardly passed~ really! no kidding. then erm.. we had english common test. the comprehension was a easy one but the questions!!! alamak!!! so difficult.. don't even know what they're talking about. then for the second test on locus, mrs choo haven't give us back yet. my classmate, jonathan the pig!! he keep on disturbing me saying "stupid lijing!! hao lian la!! this year always get top in class for e-maths!! humpf! second test on locus, i'll not let you get top again!". he siao kia one! i've only got top for e-maths for the cumulative frequency test and the first locus test... and he starts to say that i'm hao lian! siao ding dong one he.. don't care him la.. anyway, he's just a pig! hehe~ but really lor.. not to mention him la, even me, myself is shocked too! i usually get border line for my e-maths and have NEVER *and i emphasize the word never!!* get top in class for e-maths! i'm so thrilled! i can't wait to get my second test for locus. Haiz... after writing this, i have to go do my corrections for my chinese spelling.. 50 corrections per word!!! my teacher really got nothing better to do~ anyway, i've recently been watching Inuyasha!!! the songs rocks and the show is superb!! well.. it's anime anyway. so i'll definitely LOVE it!!!! okok... i'll put up one of my favourite song in Inuyasha called "Dearest". It's nice.. the lyrics is meaningful too. "My Will" is nice too.. and the lyrics is so meaningful that i think it's kind of like describing the feeling i have for him inside me. Anyway, the lyrics for "Dearest" is just below. There's a translation too. Enjoy! Haiz.. i think i've better go do my chinese corrections before i go sleep.

Lyrics
hontou ni taisetsu na mono igai subete sutete shimaetara ii no ni ne genjitsu wa tada zankoku de
It would be nice if we could put away and throw out everything except what really mattered, but reality is just cruel.
sonna toki itsu datte me o tojireba waratteru kimi ga iru
In such times, I see you laughing whenever I close my eyes.
itsuka eien no nemuri ni tsuku hi made dou ka sono egao ga taema naku aru you ni
Until the day I reach eternal sleep, that smiling face will have to stay with me without fail.
hito wa minna kanashii kara wasurete yuku ikimono dakedo
People are all sad, so they go and forget, but--
aisubeki mono no tame ai o kureru mono no tame dekiru koto
For that which I should love, For that which gives me love, I will do what I can.
deatta ano koro wa subete ga bukiyou de toomawari shita yo ne kizutsuke atta yo ne
Back then, when we met, it was all awkward. We went the long way, didn't we? We got hurt, didn't we?
itsuka eien no nemuri ni tsuku hi made dou ka sono egao ga taema naku aru you ni
Until the day I reach eternal sleep, that smiling face will have to stay with me without fail.
deatta ano koro wa subete ga bukiyou de toomawari shita yo ne tadoritsuitan da ne
Back then, when we met, it was all awkward. We went the long way, didn't we? We got there in the end.

Feb 4, 2004 7.41 p.m
Gosh!! It really feels weird writing a blog especially when I am not used to writing a blog online. Hmm... what should i write today? There's nothing much today but I had 2 tests today. One after another!! Oh My God!! I'm so stressed up. So glad that it was over. Something happened to me this afternoon. Somehow I felt dizzy after school and I almost fainted! I was so scared that I would faint cause I'd never felt like this before and this was my first time. Anyway, I'm alright now. A friend of mine has downloaded a song called "Hear Me Cry" by Cagnet in my computer when he came over to my house. It sounds so nice!! The music that is playing now is "Hear me cry". Enjoy! =D